Ronnie Barker with my Blackberry is not working

[Bumblebee]

My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the  veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned  both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the  lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the  store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a  month.
 
The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover.
At the register the druggist tells her, "If you're going to use this under  your arms don't use deodorant for a few days."
The lady says: "I'm not using it under my arms."

The druggist says: "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a  couple of days."
 
The lady says: "I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I'm  using it on my schnauzer."
The druggist says: "Stay off your bicycle for a week."

[MuscleVette]

Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence or if I'm getting paranoid, but ...

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

2008 -  Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds  of pigs/humans around the globe.



It gets  worse........



Next year......


2010 - Chinese year of the C o c k - what could possibly go wrong?

[cpu]

Ohhhhhhhhhhh sh#t ;17

[MuscleVette]

This is the best joke I have heard in a long time.

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and
 step into the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father Seamus says
 he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.
 
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the
 showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading
 his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall in the dim
 light and freezes like he's a statue.
 
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun
 suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar
 of soap  'Oh look,'  says the first nun,  'it's a soap dispenser'.  To test
 her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood.... sure enough he drops the second bar of soap.
 
Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives a few more tugs, then yells,

(scroll  down)


 
 

 

'Holy Mary, Mother of God - Hand Lotion, too!'
 

[twodogs]

;x    I think someone should organise a comedy night for the club ;x  and gary the main act . ;8
                                                                  ;11 phil

[MuscleVette]

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold
  blistery day.

  The daughter said to her mother,


 

'My hands are freezing cold.'

  The mother replied,


 

'Put them between your legs and your body heat will warm them up.'

  The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.

  The next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said,


 

'My  hands are freezing cold.'

  The girl replied,


 

'Put them between my legs and the warmth of my body will warm them up.'

  He did and warmed his hands.

  The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.

  He said,


 

 'My nose is cold.'

  The girl replied


 

'Put it between my legs, the warmth of my body will warm it up.'

  He did and warmed his nose.

  The day after the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said,


 

'My penis is frozen solid.'

  The next day, the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again,
  and she asks,


 

 'Have you ever heard of a penis?'

  Concerned the mother said,


 

'Why yes..... why do you ask?'

  The daughter replies,


 

'They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they!!!'

;x;x;x;x;x;x;v Garry ;M:cool:
 

 

[MuscleVette]

Daffy duck on a dirty weekend calls reception and asks for a condom.  The reception says, "Shall I put them on your bill?"
 

Daffy replies.....
 
"Don’t be thucking thupid I’d thufficate."
;x;x;x;x;x ;v Garry;M:cool:

[GT SALLY]

PRESS RELEASE:

 RENAULT & FORD TO MERGE

 Renault & Ford are working together to build a small car.

 They are using the Renault Clio & the Ford Taurus as a basis for the new

 zippy little car, the new model will be called "Clitaurus".

 The car comes in pink, with fur on the dash.

 Note: - Models assembled in Brazil will not offer the fur option.

[cpu]

Well after Musclevette's Duck Bill joke and GT Sally's, It's official....... the jokes have   ;17

GT Sally.....

;17

[MuscleVette]

A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a  Xmas fancy dress party..  He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.
   
   
   
 A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
   
   
   
 Dear Sir,
   
 Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a Pirate.
   
   
   
 The man is offended that the outfit  emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.  A week passes and he receives another parcel and note:
   
   
   
 Dear Sir,
   
 Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.
   
   
   
 The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald head.  So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.  A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying letter:
   
   
   
 Dear Sir,
   
 Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
   
 We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as  a toffee apple.



;x;x;x;v Garry;x;x;x